Waiting for Happiness
I recently came across a measure of happiness shared by individuals over time, shown in the graph above. It appears that as we grow up, we become steadily more unhappy, bottom out at around our 50s, and then proceed to increase in happiness as we age.
While there are outliers at every age, there are general experiences we share at various times in our lives. We start with joy and wonder until the perils of schooling and social pressure climb as we progress through middle school, high school, and college. We enter the “real world” to realize just how expensive life is.
The next few decades introduce new responsibilities as we grow our families and careers in constant stress trying to manage it all. Then our kids start leaving the house, our earning levels finally outpace our expenses and now that we’re “over the hill” we start to see the world with more gratitude.
I was initially startled looking at this graph. If this is generally true, I have some unhappy days set out before me and it will be a while before it gets better. I asked myself if I was happy right now and what it would take to be a 10 out of 10 on the happiness scale. “I am happy generally speaking,” I thought, “but I’ll be happier when my career is a little more progressed, I hit a specific income level, and when my wife can stay home full time with our kids.”
Almost instantly I was reminded of something I wrote in a journal when I was in high school. I was somewhat of a romantic back in the day and would often resonate with the idea that “love conquers all.” I also dreamed of being a father. I wrote, “One day, if I am married and have kids, I will be perfectly content. Even if I don’t have a lot of money, or other parts of my life are hard, at least I will know I have a family and that will be enough.”
Ha! Here I am, quite literally living out the dream of a younger version of myself. My dream. And yet, I am simultaneously dreaming of a new future where I can finally be happy.
What makes me think that when I live out that dream, I will finally look around and say, “Now I’ve made it! I don’t need anything else; I am truly happy!” I’m more likely to kick the can down the road again.
Happiness isn’t for me. It is for future me.
I’d endeavor to guess the missing piece isn’t that happiness is around the corner, as much as it is right next to us. Recognizing what we already have been blessed with fills our hearts so much more than recognizing all that we don’t have. Gratitude certainly isn’t a new idea, but it was helpful for me to be reminded of its power. I have everything I need to be happy. I just have to choose it.
Happy Thanksgiving
